Weight it out

Lately, I've been going through this big issue of what weight is to me. My own personal weight that is. I'm about 5'7" and a half and weight about 135-140 lbs. For my height, that is a normal weight. However, thanks to my drug abuse from the previous 5 years, at that same height (since it hasn't changed since 2000) I've weighed from 105-125. The last time I weighed 125 was sometime last year. So, I know how 'good' my body has looked being so slim like that. I have these beautiful protruding hip bones and loooong legs. I finally have a booty, which of course isn't there when my weight is down. That's about the only pro of gaining weight for me.
Anyway, I've had to re-stock certain clothing items like jeans thanks to the weight gain. I've gone from a size 3/5 to a 9/11. My hips got BIG! Plus, my things finally stopped being skinny. You see, I really like how I look sometimes. I know I look healthy. You can see it in my face, and that's because there are no drugs in my system, so it's all good health. My stomach isn't so big....but it's actually there...very visible. Okay, enough of the descriptions.....I didn't start to stress this issue until my boyfriend brought it up. He's a tall and naturally and biologically slender guy. He's been slim his whole life. He'll prolly be slim his whole life. He's active and works out. He told me that (thanks to pix he's seen of me when I was all methed out and skinny) he knows that I can look great if I was slender. Yes, he's attracted to me now that I'm not slender obviously. But it's that whole setting goals to improve your own life/self that is the greater outlook on why I should loose weight. Believe me, I've changed a lot to get started on that path. About 2 months ago....I began to do about 100 crunches a day. I messed up by taking breaks during the weekend though. A month ago, I cut out drinking soda all together so that my face would be clear (because it's a proven fact that soda messes with my acne) and it's just better for me health wise. I've actually stuck to doing 200 crunches every day for the last 3 weeks....and 250 the last 6 days. I no longer eat everything I want at any given time I want like I've done before. I want to trim down to 120-125. I want to go back to being a size 5/7. I want to have a bikini ready body. I want my boyfriend to see that body in person that he's only seen in pictures. So yea, I'm working it out. My boyfriend has that belief that you should always leave something looking better than how you found it. He thinks that this applies to me as well. He's the first guy to already start to think about us breaking up that I've ever been in a relationship with. Like he expects that to happen. I think that has had an impact on me. It's made me put away my usual optimism, and instead bring out a defense mechanism so that I won't feel negative or hurt if we do break up. Talk about a first. I guess this applies to a lot of stuff. Anyway, I've started to obsess about losing weight and I'm not so sure of how good of a job I'm doing or how healthy that really is fo rme mentally. I mean, I know it's a great thing for me in all ways because being active does wonders for every element in one's life. But the whole trimming down, has given me that temptation to doing it the fast way. The fast way that I know will happen to that thing called smoking ice. 3 days of smoking ice guarantees loosing at least 10 lbs because your appertite goes out the window. But so does sobriety and that beautiful gleam that my eyes have now. That's prolly one of the reasons I haven't relapsed for the sake of loosing weight yet. I know that anyone I talk to will and has told me already " You look good because you look healthy as you are now. He should love you for who you are now, and not for what you can or have looked like." Just like me, I think it's more fear of going back to my old ways. Them and me alike. But like everything else in my life...I'm only doing things in positive and healthy ways. So let's hope that this issue, which is crucial...stays that way too.

Just look at those shoes!

Give the gift of

This is all prolly stuff that I SHOULD make an effort to give myself (*cough* job...gettajob*)...but hey, I'm kinda bored so why not make a list of gifts I would just LOVE to have given to me. heh heh heh.

1. Gift certificates for tattoos. I want more tattoos, and that would be awsome if I got that for say, my birthday...or just because.
2. A beautiful Rolex.
3. A sidekick 3....with a paid subscription.
4. Shoes! I know I have about 70 pairs...but I have my eye on more!
5. A digi video cam.
6. A trip to Las Vegas for two.....hotel stay at either the MGM (westwing room) or Mandalay Bay.

Chanel chronikles 1

Oh Chanel. She's been my REAL road dawg as of lately......so you know that means I'll have tons of pics and stories of her. Like how as soon as she see's my purse, she knows we're going somewhere.....because she goes to my car and waits till I open the door for her. Like a lady. ha.

I aint got no groupies

Between today and tomorrow, there's a grip of things to do.
Tomorrow is Yasmeen's quinceañera. There's a big difference between sweet sixteens, and quinceañeras. I've actually never been to a sweet sixteen. Mexicans, such as I, do not do sweet sixteens. That's prolly y. Anyway, from what I've seen thanks to MTV, sweet sixteens are just big parties thrown for girls that are coming onto their 16th year, full of drama, new cars and sometimes good live performances by top name music acts. Quinceañeras are HUGE celebrations that take part in a ceremony at the church first, then onto a venue where you will fed some great Mexican food, like birria (hahaha) and enjoy the typical mariachi, live conjunto, or DJ music. Oh yea, there's also a LOT of ALCOHOL! If you know who's quiceañera it is, then you can most likely score whatever alcohol there is, regardless of age. ESPECIALLY if it's going down in MEXICO. such as Yasmeen's. Her parents are throwing down some MAD scrilla, for everything. This is the one quinceañera that I'm looking forward to.
I'm waiting for my brother to get home cos he needs to go shopping for something to wear tomorrow. Plus, I think we might be having some of the party guests staying at our house (they are comin in from Texas) starting tonite as well. Oh yea, talking about Texas, I got to talk to Alex's dad earlier on the phone. I called him to let him know that Alex called me last nite (yai!) and everything is going good 'OVER THERE'. Yea, it still feels unreal that he is so far away, in freakin Iraq. But hearing his voice, for the first time since he left last week, was soo good. I even had a dream about him last night. It was a pretty simple dream, nothing that exciting, but hey, if that's the only way that I can spend some time with him right now, I'm loving it. I also left his momma a message since she didn't answer. I've talked to her on the phone twice b4. Hopefully I get to meet them both in person some day.
I have just gotten hooked on LAST.FM. I get access to so much music that I love, and might not have even heard yet! It's awsome. AWSOME! Tis it for now.

The Art uv MURS

I have to miss the paid dues festival this weekend because there's a previous engagement I have to go to. Me, miss Living Legends, Jean Grae, Sage Francis..........I'm gon go cry now.

Addictions

Since I have begun taking my first psychology class, I have come to the realization that I do want to do something in the area of addictions as a career. It has a lot to do with the fact that I myself, am an addict. I've been clean for quite some time now, and the more I keep learning about psychology and subtance abuse, the more I get intrigued and want to learn more. Being in a recovery program did help me out, and my own will to do better for myself is what eventually pulled me through. I admit that to this day, i still have vivid dreams about using again. Sometimes I will even have the desire for it, but I have enough self discipline and other tools, like self love, to overcome it. Well anyway, at this very moment, I'm not sure exactly what it is that I want to do in the psychology field, but I am thinking about being an addictions specialist. This is just the beginning, but we'll see.

No more fun and games

This is a natural

Way that I look when I wake up. hahahaha. It's one of my better days.

I Love Sabina

She's my favourite modern pinup.

Thang thangs

EverLasting

I think that a part of my heart will always be always be in the 831. That place is like no other. You got the Greatest and the greenest!....it brings out the Best and worst out of someone...depending where you're at....and I mean this by within yourself! I was born in Watsonville,and moved to Salinas in 1991. I stayed there until 2005. Then I moved to Arizona. And believe me, I won't be staying here permenantly.....I still got places to go...and a home to make to put the rest of my heart in. But the 831..............I'ma love you till the day I die!

Because really, we are all M&Ms.

And this is how I would look like.

Cos I'm cleanin out my closet

No, not really, I'm just playing with blogger and uploading pix...like this one.

I'm baaaaaaaack

The last time I did anything on blogger, was in the summer and fall of 2005. I admit that I fell in love with blogger instantly, and being that I was also in my first relationship ( at 21! *gasp*)...I pretty much dedicated a lot of that blog to that relationship. I almsot tried to re-use that blog this time around...but nah, I'd rather start over fresh......since this is the real deal now. Word.
Anyway, I'll get back to this later.