What it is right now.

Artist: Omarion
: Ice Box (Remix)
feat. Usher

[Omarion]
I don't know
Should I stay
Should I go
Yeah, I know
It's the remix, remix
Yeah
See
I'm in this situation
Think I need a little help
Let's go
[Verse 1]
When this began, we were friends
She knew all my business (business)
All my good, all my bad
Said that she was with it(now)
I got memories, this is crazy
She ain't nothing like that girl I used to know
Didn't believe she would creep
Thought we was forever (oh)
She broke out,
I broke down& that's just all that left of us (oh)
Now these memories, they be haunting me
You ain't feeling me
My girl's about to go
[Hook 1]
& I really wanna work this out
Cause I'm tired of fighting (if that don't work)
&I really hope she still want me the way I want her (you'll get your feelings hurt)
I said I really wanna work this out
Damn girl
I'm trying
Here's the remix (remix)
[Chorus 1]
I got this ice box where my heart used to be
[2x]
but (said)I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold (ohh)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold, I'm so cold
[Repeat]
[Usher - Verse 2]
Ha pimping listen
Hold up now
Take your time
Let me get this right (huh)
You tripping on what's in front of you
Cause you're looking behind you (yeah but I mean)
You got memories (but)
Take it from me (cause)
She ain't nothing like oh girl you used to know
If shawty's doing right by you
Maybe you should let it go
At the end of the day,
It ain't worth it
Wanna know how I know (how you know)
Remember confessions
So you already know that it's gonna hurt
Shawty, learn your lesson
You don't really wanna feel the burn
No, listen[Hook 2]
If you really wanna work it out
Then stop denying (denying)
Quit living in the past of time
You face the truth (truth)
If it's ever gonna work out
You gotta stop lying
Stop blaming her when it's you, that's
[Chorus 2]
Got the ice box where your heart used to be
Got a ice box where your heart used to be[Omarion]
I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold (ohh)
I'm so cold I'm so cold I'm so cold
[Usher]
Boy you gotta ice box
[Repeat]
[Omarion]
I don't wanna be stuck off in this cold cold world
Don't wanna mess this up
Better keep your eye on me, girl
[Usher]
Leave the past in the past
Gotta let it go (say bra)
You gotta know when to move on (say bra)
You gotta know when to let go (yes sir)
Don't lose ya lady[Repeat]
[Hook 1]
[Chorus 1]
This is the remix
This is the remix
Go ahead replay it
This is the remix
[Omarion]
Omarion
Girl, I really wanna work this out
Cause I'm tired of fighting

mood: Emotionally exhausted.

Be.

"Running"

Run
Running all the time
Running to the future
With you right by my side
Me
I'm the one you chose
Out of all the people
You wanted me the most
I'm so sorry that I'm falling
Help me up lets keep on running
Don't let me fall out of love
[Chorus:]
Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
(Do you think we'll make it?)
We're running
Keep holding my hand
It's so we don't get separated
Be
Be the one I need
Be the one I trust most
Don't stop inspiring me
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running
We work so much to keep it going
Don't make me want to give up
[Repeat chorus twice]

(The future)

Listening to: "Running" by No Doubt.

Can I get a yes!

I finally completed the Verizon assesments and I've been e-mailed that I did a succefull job in answering all the right questions, so now I'm waiting about a week to hear more from an actual HR person. Hopefully everything goes well. I actually have another op available that is deffinitely lower paying ($8.00/hr) but more in my desired field....that job is being an aid to a case manager that deals with social services and aid to those that need it....kind of like what the salvation army does to help people that need money to pay their electricity bill, need financial assistance, place to stay etc.....and the part that really interests me is the refferal part of that job...I want to work in behaviour modification, which means that I would get to assist those that need help like, addictions rehabilitaion by reffering them to the proper place of help.....so that's where I'm at right now.....I can just wait out to see if Verizon hires me as customer service (which by the way, I dislike doing retail but...it starts at $10-12 an hour d.o.e..and I qualify for $12 thanx to my experience)...or jump into this case management aid spot..which pays less, but might do more for me regarding my chosen career.....hmmmm. Well first things first, I want to go to Salinas on Wednesday morning and stay until Sunday...I would be going with my brother. However, although it is the plan, my dad has now come to disagree with us going there altogether because......"It's not a good place to be"...duh! hahaha. That's why we no longer live there! Maaaan, we are just planning to go visit some peeps, I have a wedding that I need to attend and that's that. We grew up in Salinas so of course we know how bad it is. That's obviously not the reason that we are going back for...but anyway, it's more or less a waiting game thanks to the financial spot that I put myself into. If I had the money to go, I would have been there already.....times will change though. No doubt.

Listening to: "Simple Man" by The Grouch.

J Dilla - Nothing Like This

AND STILL.


I wish he felt like this about me.

I Melt

For Benjamin Bratt.

O Lord.

Take a Chance cause U might grow

Not my artwurk......but This goes back to my favoruite song of the moment, Gwen's "What You Waiting For?".......It's some kind of creative inspiration with this current moment. "Writer's Block"...hahahaha.

Listening to: "What You Waiting For?" by Gwen Stefani

Gwen Stefani - What You Waiting For?: Explicit, Directors Cut, Closed Captioned

Uuugghhhhhh! This is my song!!! I don't know what I'd do without it right now!....It's my beat right now!

Like You - Bow WOw

I know the video is very whatever, but I love this song. I always have, and I might be the only one who still loves it too. I mean, even Ciara moved on from bow wow to Fiddy. haha. I love the chorus...that's what did it 4 me.

Girl, girl, girl, girl

Because really, there's no such thing as too much of me. hahahahaha.

Listening to: "Girls, Girls, Girls" by JayZ

Sometimes

It doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Yesterday, It was taking out all the books I had in a box in the garage and going trhough them and putting them in my room. All the books that I've acumulated from 1999-2005. Even my old sketchbooks with battle rhymes, words of thought and memories all captured in pictures and words from those times. I swear I felt like I was back in my old room, looking through all this. "I got memories". Haha..listening to the Icebox remix is crazy right now cos sometimes, I feel like it really talk about what it is right now. With some things. "Trippin on what's in front of you cos you're looking behind ya"...That's the truth! Maybe I should b more cold. Wait, wasn't that a goal for me this year? Stop caring so much about others? hmm. I don't think I can do that now that I've been sober for the longest. Nah, it's just more about the fact that I have to care about myself over everything right now. Like how crazy it's making me that I don't have any money since I've been unemployed, although I am working on that. Yes, I kinda had refused the idea of doing anything involving customer service, however, there's isn't much of another option around here. So mayb Verizon or T-Mobile will hook it up. I applied 4 Verizon earlier today...we'll see whats up with that. On a lighter note, I can't wait to go back to Cali! I was hoping on doing that sometime this week..so I could be there this weekend..and stay a week.....but since my brokeness has to wait for moms to supply the funds for that trip, it's on her to see when I go...and she's actually coming back on Friday nite....that way the house doesn't stay by itself, and I don't have to take Chanel with me either. So I'm thinking maybe next Monday night. I want to see Ernie before I go, but he went on his own mish this week and I don't know when he comes back either. Yea, I don't think he really cares about what I do sometimes...or what happens to me. That might be because I'm not up to much right now, but don't ever think I'm predictable. Never. I have too much intention to not do anything with it, ya dig? That's why I need to bounce for a minute and breath some of those memories back to life. The good ones, filled with all my friends from back then...just to catch up. Just like those books, remember who I was because it made me into who I am..and there's no one that loves me more than me. Let the good times roll.

Listening to: "Initiated" by Makaveli, Daz & Kurupt 'Thug Pound'

Shakira - No

Acumular Intentos.........

Finished product

After the unnecessary events that today brought, this is the only great accomplishment....I only took 2 days to draw it. Not bad after not drawing anything in over a year.

I'm determined to make the rest of today completely different from yesterday. Yesterday was like an act of disregardment. Over what matters. I wish I didn't care like I do. Fuck emotions.

work in progress

But I think I still might have some skillssss

Old school verses

click this and read it! It's genuine old school, from my beloved days as IMPRESS1...aka.....N.I.A.

la verdad sobre la verdad

No estoy tan segura sobre como exactamente me siento sobre todo en este momento. Me siento bien. Me siento media confundida. pero creo que todo se trata sobre como es que me quiero sentir. La mente es algo increible, por decir lo menos. La mente tiene el poder de transformar todo lo que quieres en la realidad. Como, por ejemplo, la addicion. Poco a poco, hay realizacion sobre todos las addiciones que tiene la persona. Como yo. Y bueno, que es la addicion verdad? Sera que es algo que tienes en la vida que no puedes dejar de tener, que no se puede imaginar vivir sin. Hay addiciones como para morir. de todo se puede ser addicto. A las substancias ilegales, al acohol, comida, tabaco,compras, de todo, hasta personas se pueden convertir en addiciones. O sera eso algo mejor conocido como el amor? Creo que eso se puede confundir muy facilmente. Especialmente en los casos en donde se trata de dejar un addicion por otra. Como tener una fijacion oral, y tener que tomar algo en boca a cada rato, sea comida, cigarrillos, dulces...etc. No importa que sea, pero tiene que ser algo. Habeces siento que eso mismo hago yo con la addicion que tengo con la metaemfaminas. A sido la peor addicion de mi vida, a ser que puse mi vida y mi libertad completa en peligro los 5 anos que la consumi diariamente. Era lo peor. Ahora, tengo mas control sobre esa addicion gracias a las experiencias que pase y a mi mentalidad que es mas poderosa que esa addicion. Eso si e descubrido. Que mi mente es increible. Se puede hacer todo de todo gracias a mi mente. Pero a la misma vez, creo que mi propia mente tiene ese poder que muy facilmente me pone en peligro porque habeces, el deseo y el placer tiene aun mas, control y poder sobre mi vida. Eso tiene mucho que ver con las emociones creo yo. Yo soy una persona muy emocional. Como eh deseado que no fuera asi. Esas mismas emociones si me han dado gracia al haberme dado tanta pasion en la vida. Osea, soy muy apacionada. Bueno, las emociones son algo muy poderoso. Al haber tenido las experiencias de todo tipo de emocion, tengo mucha saviduria sobre esto, y como la mente no tiene palabra en controlar la vida cuando se siente una emocion tan poderosa, sea una emocion buena, como el amor, la felicidad, o sea una emocion no tan agradable, como un qubramiento del corazon, la perdida del amor, la soledad, la deprecion. Cuando una emocion tan poderosa te tiene entrapado, sea lo que sea, es una batalla increible sobre la emocion y el poder mental. La mente como eh dicho, tiene ese poder de hacer todo una realidad. Pero si creo que las emociones tienen el derecho de sentirse, para poder sentir como se vive la vida...porque una vida sin emociones no tiene razon. Las emociones hacen la vida lo que es. Al sentir la felicidad, es algo que creo que todo mundo quiere sentir a toda hora, sea lo que sea en poder lograrlo.......en eso creo que las addiciones se hacen a la misma ves en siertas maneras. Digo en mis experiencias con mi addicion de drogas......el sentimiento que tengo al consumirlas era algo que jamas habia sentido...era algo que me hacia sentir un extacis, una felicidad y sentirme muy agradable por ese instante. Al sentir eso, queria sentirlo a todas horas.....y en eso se creo mi addicon....el ciclo de locura que me tenia entrapada en consumir esta droga para poder sentirme bien a todas horas. Ahora para poder relacionarlo con la emocion del amor......que habeces creo que se puede entender como una addicon igual.....tener que estar con este amor para poder sentirse bien, tener esa felicidad a todas horas.......y en eso, creo que lo mas beneficial para uno, es tener la mente en posicion mas fija y madura para no dehar estas emociones tomar control absoluto sobre la vida de uno. Y en eso creo que ahora yo misma me encuentro.......ahora mismo no tengo esa mentalidad fija donde tiene ese control sobre mi vida cuando las emociones se ponen en lugar. sean las emociones en donde creo que me siento enamorada.....y no querer estar sin este amor a todas horas para poder sentirme 'bien'. Y al no tener este amor, querer reemplazarlo con algo como las substancias.....n esto, al haberlo visto solamente en las palabras que ahora estoy escribiendo me doy cuenta que no es tan dificil en tomar este control. Aun ay una emocion mas poderosa e importante que todas....el amor de uno mismo. Ese sentimiento tiene todo el control en vivir la vida un poco mejor.......conste que tengas la mentalidad fija.......

Pop quiz hot shot!

Mood: REFLECTIV

Just a little holla back to what's going on with me and mine. I'm living life a little bit on the slow side. Very few days do I feel discontent with that though. Sometimes I think that it might be because from 2001-2005, I was living life at 200mph. I was so messed up on meth that I aged soo bad, my intelligence became absolutely criminal, only working for the worst, and I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired over depression and my own heartbreak about my choices with my life during the time. 2006 was a complicated and yet very important year of my life. I put myself in a spot that I never thought I would be in, and I overcame it. I learned, a lot. About everything. Especially about my own strength when worst came to worst. 2007 has been a good year. Like I said, it's been slow, but I feel like it's in a healthy way. I'm catching up with myself in soo many ways. About everything. Especially about where I want to go with my life. I am in the best relationship of my life. I'm still a little scared to admit that I am in love, although I am indeed IN LOVE. I'm being cautious though. So maybe I shouldn't admit that I am in love. I just don't want to be faced with the fact that it wouldn't be mutual. So I'm taking it slow. But don't be fooled. In no time will I be back to fullspeed. With work, school and that healthy drive of love, desire and intention. With a little bit of crazy. Because after all, it is me I'm talking about. Word.

The Letter "E"

This letter had a lot to do with my day today. In an odd way. It starts out with the last dream that I had before I woke up this morning.....I was somehow romantically involved with the actor named Guy Ecker ( Mainly Latin telenovelas, Las Vegas as 'Detective Luis Perez') who is soo handsome....and at the same time, I was also romantically involved with Eminem. Yes, completey random! But I was enjoying every second of it! That's what I remember. By the way, my boyfriend's name is Ernest. Yes, the letter "E". And to make everything else weird, some girl on Myspace messages me asking if I hooked up with her boyfriend Elusive. Elusive is a music producer whom I have never met in person. I have some of his music, but I've never met him. See what I mean? wEird.

Lauryn knows.

Artist: Lauryn Hill
Album: MTV Unplugged 2.0
Song: I Gotta Find Peace of Mind

I gotta find peace of mindI know another cord...I gotta find peace of mindSee, this what that voice in your head saysWhen you try to get peace of mind...I gotta find peace of mind, I gotta find peace of mindHe says it's impossible, but I know it's possibleHe says it's impossible, but I know it's possibleHe says there's no me without him, please help me forget about himHe takes all my energy, trapped in my memoryConstantly holding me, constantly holding meI need to tell you all, all the pain he's caused, mmmmI need to tell I'm, I'm undone because, mmmmHe says it's impossible, but I know it's possibleHe says it's impossible without him, but I know it's possibleTo finally be in love, and know the real meaning ofA lasting relationship, not based on ownershipI trust every part of you, cuz all that I... All that you say you doYou love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myselfI just can't believe that you, would have anything to doWith someone so insecure, someone so immatureOh you inspire me, to be the higher meYou made my desire pure, you made my desire pureJust tell me what to say, I can't find the words to sayPlease don't be mad with me, I have no identityAll that I've known is gone, all I was building onI don't wanna walk with you, how do I talk to youTouch my mouth with your hands, touch my mouth with your handsOh I wanna understand, the meaning of your embraceI know now I have to face, the temptations of my pastPlease don't let me disgrace, where my devotion laysNow that I know the truth, now that it's no excuseKeeping me from your love, what was I thinking of?Holding me from your love, what was I thinking of?You are my peace of mind, that old me is left behindYou are my peace of mind, that old me is left behindHe says it's impossible, but I know it's possibleHe says it's improbable, but I know it's tangeableHe says it's not grabbable, but I know it's haveableCuz anything's possible, oh anything is possiblePlease come free my mind, please come meet my mindCan you see my mind, ohWon't you come free my mind?Oh I know it's possibleAnything, anything, anything, anything, anything, yeeeyAnything, anything, anything, anything, yeeeyAnything, anything, anything, anything, anything, yeeeyOh free! Free, free, free your mindFree, free your mind... free, free your mindFree, free, free, free your mindOh, it's so possible, oh it's so possibleI'm telling you it's possible, I'm telling you it's possibleFree, free... free, free... free, free... get free nowFree, free... free, free, free, free... free, freeYou're my peace of mind, that old me is left behindYou're my peace of mind, you're my peace of mindHe's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mindHe's my peace of mind, he's my peace of mindWhat a joy it is to be aliveTo get another chance, yeahEveryday's another chanceTo get it right this timeEveryday's another chanceOh what a merciful, merciful, merciful GodOh what a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful God

When it was.

Artist: The Grouch & ElighAlbum: No More Greener GrassesYear: 2003Title: Everafter


Grouch:]Hangin on the brink of eternal energy lasting,Well I think I'm readier burnin the ever after.Movin in this ship across the waters of our destiny,It's legendary speech we took and made it all a path to...[x2][Eligh:]The simple thing is the most difficult to achieve,In a maze of life that we travel upon.Sometimes I feels like I'm pawning a check,At the city group and ? squeezing your life out slow.Hoping I can slay the dragon's soul, then I would behold,Just like a fold in a page, that reads life's cold.(cold, cold)And you gotta be bold to rock, to hold ? glock.Perfectly ready for battle, able to tackle the gravel that lay ahead in the trench.Did I mention intention? We take a tunnel through time,Make a run up [?]on rhyme[?] On the drop of a dime.Makin fun of a fine bitch who's [?]cell on their mind[?] with nothin to find.While she gets it from behind. We took 'em one at a time.Like a day of my lifespan, make it all acountable on me cause I'm a new man.Heard that from a lot of poetry from me in the stands.Lookin from a new angle that try... harder. Not rectangle the foundation,I mangle the sound place that supports the sports I play. Hopin it could always make sense of healthy ways, they needed wealthy ways.When I'm on the brink of eteral energy lasting Well I think I'm readier burnin the ever after.Movin in this ship across the waters of my destiny,It's legendary speech we took and made it all a trip.Drinkin off a sip, naw. Never catch a lock jaw.Alcoholic, I can see you're drippin off the lips, y'all.Lookin at me funny. On the stage I'm rockin mics for people listenin for truths.Take your neck and pop the noose. Make your body fully loose, Cuz I produce and mass prooduce, and that's the truth.Listen to everlasting proof, the last recruit,Lookin at me like that's the fool who mastered toons.I pimp up my sound to cruise in cars, cuz she was hard to fool not hard to do.Is the man marvelous, harvest? He may be modest, kept my missin anaconda inside.Made as a minus. Chokin your lungs until you can't hear yourself any longer.Makin the right choices in life makes you stronger.Can't keep stagnant man, any longer. Makin the right choices in life make you stronger.[Chorus x2][Grough:]My energy: everlasting. You lookin' at a winner, see?Absorb it now. I breed growth while they come up with that morbid style.[?]throw sneakers on the ground. Never gettin' weaker I'm a leaker to the child.[?]Feed the animal inside the Grouch. I'm on a mountain face, soakin' up sun.I'm'a place till the job is all done. I'm'a ball young cuz I gotta raw toungue.Got 'em all sprung cuz 'a how I'm not dumb. And that's something that I'm proud of. Heh, nothing comes something. Belief is only one thing, you can do umpteen.Exercises bless the wisest, Lets devise a scheme to stay alive it's mean on the streets killin dreams on the beat,With only beans on my plate, I'm'a lean on my mate,To make due. And know it's not fate when I break through.