Weight it out

Lately, I've been going through this big issue of what weight is to me. My own personal weight that is. I'm about 5'7" and a half and weight about 135-140 lbs. For my height, that is a normal weight. However, thanks to my drug abuse from the previous 5 years, at that same height (since it hasn't changed since 2000) I've weighed from 105-125. The last time I weighed 125 was sometime last year. So, I know how 'good' my body has looked being so slim like that. I have these beautiful protruding hip bones and loooong legs. I finally have a booty, which of course isn't there when my weight is down. That's about the only pro of gaining weight for me.
Anyway, I've had to re-stock certain clothing items like jeans thanks to the weight gain. I've gone from a size 3/5 to a 9/11. My hips got BIG! Plus, my things finally stopped being skinny. You see, I really like how I look sometimes. I know I look healthy. You can see it in my face, and that's because there are no drugs in my system, so it's all good health. My stomach isn't so big....but it's actually there...very visible. Okay, enough of the descriptions.....I didn't start to stress this issue until my boyfriend brought it up. He's a tall and naturally and biologically slender guy. He's been slim his whole life. He'll prolly be slim his whole life. He's active and works out. He told me that (thanks to pix he's seen of me when I was all methed out and skinny) he knows that I can look great if I was slender. Yes, he's attracted to me now that I'm not slender obviously. But it's that whole setting goals to improve your own life/self that is the greater outlook on why I should loose weight. Believe me, I've changed a lot to get started on that path. About 2 months ago....I began to do about 100 crunches a day. I messed up by taking breaks during the weekend though. A month ago, I cut out drinking soda all together so that my face would be clear (because it's a proven fact that soda messes with my acne) and it's just better for me health wise. I've actually stuck to doing 200 crunches every day for the last 3 weeks....and 250 the last 6 days. I no longer eat everything I want at any given time I want like I've done before. I want to trim down to 120-125. I want to go back to being a size 5/7. I want to have a bikini ready body. I want my boyfriend to see that body in person that he's only seen in pictures. So yea, I'm working it out. My boyfriend has that belief that you should always leave something looking better than how you found it. He thinks that this applies to me as well. He's the first guy to already start to think about us breaking up that I've ever been in a relationship with. Like he expects that to happen. I think that has had an impact on me. It's made me put away my usual optimism, and instead bring out a defense mechanism so that I won't feel negative or hurt if we do break up. Talk about a first. I guess this applies to a lot of stuff. Anyway, I've started to obsess about losing weight and I'm not so sure of how good of a job I'm doing or how healthy that really is fo rme mentally. I mean, I know it's a great thing for me in all ways because being active does wonders for every element in one's life. But the whole trimming down, has given me that temptation to doing it the fast way. The fast way that I know will happen to that thing called smoking ice. 3 days of smoking ice guarantees loosing at least 10 lbs because your appertite goes out the window. But so does sobriety and that beautiful gleam that my eyes have now. That's prolly one of the reasons I haven't relapsed for the sake of loosing weight yet. I know that anyone I talk to will and has told me already " You look good because you look healthy as you are now. He should love you for who you are now, and not for what you can or have looked like." Just like me, I think it's more fear of going back to my old ways. Them and me alike. But like everything else in my life...I'm only doing things in positive and healthy ways. So let's hope that this issue, which is crucial...stays that way too.