fuck this!

I can't believe he broke my heart again. He started talking to his tweaker ass ex girlfriend who is by the way still on meth right now and he's jus playing me along. I gave it my all.I wanted nothing more than him in my life. He got upset when I told him that I could feel that he wasn't paying attention to me like he was distracted and it was all true. All I have is love for him and I believe so much in him and this is what happens? I told him I was vulnerable around him cos I trust him and this is what he does with my trust. Completely breaks my heart. Telling me he wants to marry me and have kids with me and I believed him. Now I'm sure he is all involved with that female who I know very well and I know the people that she knows or associates with even where she's at now and what she is up to and I'm sure she is playing him with lies cos I know who she is with now. He wants her and that's what it is I'm sure. He never made it about us. Just great.

With You

Because u will always have my heart.

Lauryn Hill - I Gotta Find Peace of Mind [MTV Unplugged]

As detailed as it can get with how I feel about him. My heart.

work in progress

um yea, about that.....

So I have no regret about my last posting....however, I do have a better realization now about where I stand regarding that.More like a wake up call sooner than later. Nothing bad...just something thàt now gives me more clarity on how he feels and that gives me a better perspective on everything including how to handle things....its bittersweet. I love him more than anything and I knew that us being together was going to be nothing easy. Especially with the distance between us.which can be either a blessing or a curse....I'm hoping blessing since he needs his space right now to do what he needs to do....and that gives me my own space to have to just keep on with everything that I do and keeps me happy with myslef. So its not what I thought it would be, but it doesn't necessarily take my optism away.

love like luis

My soulmate and I are together for once and for all.For everything I always dreamed of with what a love like him would be....so here we are. This is the all in moment that we both would only involve ourselves in when we knew that there was nothing else that we were more sure of than us. And its definitely going to be everything that its worth being...in all senses. It's that true love that is everything but easy but can never be duplicated or forgotten. Having Luis in my life like this is already stimulating all my creative senses like it has always done since we met 4 years ago. Its the most electrifying connection that I've ever had.I have journals filled with every emotion ever felt in the course of our involvement...there's just so much more than I can ever try to explain which is how I now find myself being able to express again ....like this. Its just that I've also lived and learned so much more about everything especially about my love and heart's desire which is not the least bit at ease to trust again. I'm all in. With Luis its worth it all. No matter what it ends in...I've never loved someone as much as him...and now that I love myself more than anything...its a challenge that is really going to change my life. Its either going to be all or nothing. I've already had changes of heart with some issues that I swore I would not shift. But its all part of what my love like him are all about. Still.