Cant trust it anymore

This heart of mine just cant be trusted anymore. I've pretty much sealed off any entry into my heart. And who knows when that will come to change. Not to quote Danity Kane, but the last relationship I was in did leave me damaged, as well as the expectations that I have not just with a relationship but with the man I choose to be in it. It's not like Ernie was the best thing ever, but he was the closest to what I've always wanted in all aspects. The intensity of the entire thing is what ruined me. Passion overtook me when I really didn't expect it to. Now I'm just on autopilot when it comes to romance. If there is an opportunity, I just don't see it. The guys who have tried to approach me have pretty much not been taken seriously from the jump off. I've been iceboxing it this whole time to avoid getting into something that will just result in heartbreak I guess. Luis has been writing me from prison and has actually stated that he would want to pursue something with me upon his release in August. finally. wow though. Had this been 2006 I might have felt..something. but when I read that letter I just shook my head. My love for him is so much different now. Not at all like it was back then. And it cant be like that ever again. I don't know if to truly trust Rudy with long term plans time because we are so far from each other. But he's in my heart sometimes.  The only person that I've actually spent time with lately and actually gotten to know somewhat on a better level is Paul, who is the complete opposite of Ernie and is just a genuine sweetheart. from what I've seen in this last week that we've been around each other. There's that little part of me that wants to trust it just a little, give it a little bit of faith even......but then the majority goes with the reality, 'don't do it. Just enjoy what it is. because that's probably all it is and will be.' so that way i don't disappoint myself in any way. I don't really think that I win in any situation though.  I'm a hopeless romantic that thrives off of love. And for the last 6 months, it's been an icebox with it. I just won't allow myself to trust it. What's going to change it I think just really relay's on who. Or who I would want it to be. That's where it gets complicated.
listening to:   "unravel" by Bjork