So far so gone

Man o man he keeps having bad dreams about me. I wonder if the more it happens, will it either begin to convince him to feel otherwise about me or will it just push me away. I hope neither happens. I want him so much. I am feeling like I'm drowning being so far away from him. That's why I'm trying to do as much as I can in regards to moving closer. I just don't know where I would be moving to. Because he's still unsure about where he wants to be or where he could be if all goes through with his possible job op. Long ago I broke everything and anything I had with anyone else because all I want is him. And I wasn't about to mess up my own chances. But with any good thing comes all the doubt in the world as well. I mean it's natural. I guess. We have both gone through more than our share with relationships gone bad and I feel like we have both grown from that to where we can enjoy and make
the best of what we can have. But the distance is killing us if it stays this way. Even though neither one of us could be doing anything to ruin it, the little doubt that lingers from anything past haunts enough sometimes. Or wears you out. But I'm refusing to budge. I have to stay positive because I won't give up so easy especially since I haven't brought this bad business into what I have with him and that's why early on I cut all ties with anything lingering with any other person. What matters to me is him and now. And my own past experiences haunt me in forms of people just changing the way the feel about me. One day they adore me and the next they just don't feel anything. So how do you think I feel about when I start to have way strong feelings like the ones I have for him? I get scared, and sometimes it's so sad that I have to almost keep myself prepared to have to just let go
of all feelings because of the fear that he might just change his mind and heart about me. Even though that hasn't changed since we started talking again in January.....and my feelings haven't changed for him and they only get stronger and that makes it impossible for me to do anything to hurt him or this....... I swear I'm just going to leave this place one day real soon and just go to Texas. The longer this goes to where I'm trying to prepare moving in the best way possible and responsibly, the more frustrating and the sadder I get about how distance affects us.......I just can't let it get me down. Not even a little bit.